A Guide to Progressive-Speak

(updated 04/16/2019)

But what, exactly, is "progressivism," you may ask.  Defining progressivism succinctly is too challenging a task for me.  So, I will refer you to The Progressive Worldview, a website that promotes a book, but has lots of great info.  I highly recommend it.  The website, I mean.  I haven't read the book, though I might.  The site includes a bunch of definitions, but I haven't stolen any of them (yet).

As evangelicals, we are sometimes confused when we hear what progressives say, especially when their words seem to be totally inconsistent with their actions.  Please be advised that their actions and words are totally consistent (well, sometimes) but progressives simply have a different understanding of what certain words mean.  The following guide is intended to assist us in interpreting what progressives have to say.

 

Note that while most of these definitions come from my own warped mind, I have gotten ideas from various sources, and a handful of definitions are in whole or in part from The Liberal Translation Guide: 20 Translations of Things That Liberals Say. along with Part 2.   

 

Suggestions and recommendations are always welcome.

 

  • Abortion – A synonym for “women’s health” and “reproductive rights.”  Generally, to be avoided in favor of the other two.

  • "All on the Same Team" - This is a Jim Acosta (CNN) quote, meaning when the MSM receives no criticism from Trump or his supporters.

  • Angry – A characteristic of white males who vote for the GOP.

  • Anti-intellectual – Anyone who fails to perceive the brilliance of progressive college professors.

  • Bible - An ancient book of myths.  However, it is permissible to quote or misquote it in order to support the progressive agenda.

  • Bedroom – Historically, the only room of the house that progressives want to stay out of.  Currently, progressives want to completely control the bedroom, along with the rest of the house.

  • Bigot – 1: Anyone who disagrees with the progressive agenda.  2: Someone who cannot be tolerated because he is intolerant.

  • Bipartisanship – When Republicans cooperate with Democrats to push the liberal agenda. Not to be confused with “selling out” which happens when liberals cooperate with Republicans to push the Republican agenda.

  • Bold - Any change proposed by progressives.  Synonym for "historic." 

  • Brave - Sheepishly parroting what all the other progressives say. 

  • "Bridge the Divide" - Something conservatives are regularly called to do; progressives, not so much.

  • Bully - To criticize a progressive after said progressive does an incredibly stupid, crass, disgusting, distasteful publicity seeking action.

  • Centrist - Any Democrat who is having difficulty getting elected or re-elected.

  • Chaos - What is predicted when progressives are removed from bureaucratic positions.  Note that removal of conservatives (however few there may be) is never predicted to cause chaos. 

  • Choice - Synonym for abortion.  Not to be applied to guns, light bulbs, Social Security, Obamacare and many other essentials of everyday life.

  • Christianity - A religion of myths, violence, hate and superstition.  Responsible for most wars in recorded history.

  • "Civil political discourse" - Saying nothing that offends sensitive progressives.  Offending conservatives is A-OK  because conservatives are offensive. 

  • "Coming together" - 1. Conservatives and others that believe in traditional and biblical values abandoning those values and adopting progressive values instead.  2. Progressives working together to attack and silence all opposition.

  • Compromise - The GOP doing exactly what the Democrats advocate.

  • Conservative - A racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic, transphobic, war-mongering extremist.  Everything a conservative says must be interpreted in this context. 

  • Constitution – 1. An old, outdated, irrelevant document, the “living” version of which supports all the progressive agenda. 2. Just a piece of parchment (according to Obama).

  • Constitutional - All progressive programs and policy recommendations.  Any reference to the actual Constitution is totally unnecessary.

  • Controversial - 1. Anything progressives disagree with.  2. Any change proposed by conservatives. 3. A truth that progressives don't want to hear.

  • Conversation - Progressives lecturing conservatives.

  • "Corporate Welfare" - Government money funneled to specific corporate entities.  An absolute no-no unless said corporations support the progressive agenda, in which case, we no longer call it corporate welfare, but rather "supporting essential services to the public."

  • Corrupt - Not a legal term, having nothing to do with legality or ethics.  Failure to adhere to the wishes of progressives. 

  • Courage – What a progressive displays when espousing progressive values to a progressive audience.

  • Crap - What progressives call a conservative argument for which they have no answer. 

  • "Cultural Appropriation" - 1. Just one more thing for progressives to get outraged about.  2. A subtle excuse for refusing to "appropriate" unpalatable values from other cultures such as hard work, respect for others, etc. 

  • "Dangerous moron" - Any conservative that seems to be successfully advancing the conservative agenda.

  • Debunk - When progressives "refute" facts they don't like with content free rebuttals that amount to ad hominem attacks on the messenger or source. (from CalebBrewser)  

  • "Deep Thoughts" - Something expressed by a progressive that sounds impressive, but on further consideration is totally meaningless.

  • Deplorable – Archaic.  Originally a term used to identify people who are racist, sexist, Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic and whatever phobic.  No longer in use as it has been usurped by deplorable people.

  • Dialog - Progressives lecturing conservatives.

  • Dictator - Anyone who is successful at implementing a conservative agenda. 

  • Dignity - Dressing up as a giant vagina and parading around in public.

  • Disavow - What all conservatives are required to do when anything outrageous is said by anyone that can be labeled "conservative."  Progressives are not required to disavow statements made by other progressives.

  • Discussion - Progressives lecturing conservatives.

  • Dissent - The highest form of patriotism when conservatives are in charge; treason when progressives are in charge.

  • Diversity - A group of progressives who vary by race, sex and religion but all think alike.

  • Divider - Any conservative that fails to sell out his principles to do what progressives want.  Note that progressives are never dividers.

  • Divisive - Publicly declaring your support for faith, family or flag (or police or Western Civ or the armed forces or ....). 

  • Educated - Anyone who has taken a course of study that deeply ingrains and propagandizes that person with progressive ideology.  Includes, but is not limited to, all "studies" programs and much philosophy, literature and art. (from CalebBrewser)  

  • Elite - What progressives are persuaded they are and everyone else isn't. 

  • Ethics - The branch of knowledge that deals with justifying illegal, boorish and disgusting behavior as long as said behavior is seen to benefit progressives. UGA ETHICS employee caught taking GOP signs.   

  • Evangelical - A mysterious creature rumored to exist in abundance but which progressives rarely encounter.  See also bigot, fascist, racist and deplorable.

  • Expert - Anyone with a degree and an ego who is willing to publicly parrot the progressive mantra. 

  • Explanation - 1. A bunch of words, often including bullet points, purporting to lend understanding to the progressive viewpoint, but leaving you just as confused as you were before. 2. Content-free.

  • Facts - 1. Anything that sounds vaguely plausible that supports the progressive agenda.  2. Something that, while actually true, is to be called "racist" because it conflicts with said agenda.  3.  Whatever progressives say; subject to change without warning.

  • “Fake news” – Any news that doesn’t affirm progressive ideology.

  • Falsehood - Anything a "deplorable" believes.

  • Fascist – 1. Anyone who supports the “non-living” version of the Constitution.  2. Anyone who doesn't support the progressive agenda. 

  • Federalism - Having the Federal government do everything.

  • Feminism - The belief that women are equal or better than men in every way, so women must be granted special privileges.  Be sure to check back later, because the rules are constantly changing.

  • Feminist - Someone who is far more concerned with being a victim of the "oppression" of women than with actually enjoying life.

  • Flag – Symbol of oppression when American. 

  • "For the Good of the Country" - For conservatives to set aside their principles and to do what progressives want.  See also compromise.

  • “Free contraceptives” – A fundamental human right.

  • "Free Speech" - For progressive, the right to say anything you wish without being criticized.  Criticizing a progressive's speech is suppressing their First Amendment rights.  

  • "Freedom of Speech" - The right to say anything you wish, except for "hate speech" (see below).  

  • Gender - Whatever.

  • Greedy - Anyone who wants to keep money they’ve earned instead of giving it to people who don’t work as hard, but do vote for Democrats.

  • Guns – The cause of all crime.

  • “Hard work” – Something supported only by those who promote “white privilege.”

  • Harm (as in Harming People) - Not doing what progressives demand for said people.  Similar to "Hate."   (new)

  • Hate – What conservatives do whenever they disagree with a progressive.

  • "Hate Crime" - Something progressives think conservatives do all the time.  Conservatives rarely commit hate crimes, but progressives know conservatives want to.  As a result, progressives are forced to commit hate crimes on behalf of conservatives.

  • "Hate Speech" - Any speech defending traditional values or otherwise offending progressive sensibilities.  

  • Hater - Someone who does not accept every lifestyle and every religion as equally valid.

  • Heartless - Supporting programs based on whether they work and are good for the country instead of selecting programs to back based on how good they make you feel about yourself.

  • "High Crimes and Misdemeanors" - The undoing or reversal of any progressive gains of the past. 

  • "Higher Truth" - Anything that progressives know to be true, but for which there is little or no evidence.

  • "Highest form of patriotism" - What dissidents who hate America engage in. 

  • Historic - Any change proposed by progressives.  Synonym for "bold." 

  • Homophobe - A Christian who believes in the Bible.  Many other terms are equally applicable.

  • Honest - What progressives are being when they insult and defame people who disagree with them.   Note: sadly, progressives aren't the only ones to do this.

  • Hypocrisy – Thoughts and actions that only conservatives are capable of.

  • Immigrant - A word progressives never modify with "legal" or "illegal," so as to conflate the two.  (new)

  • Independent Investigation - When investigative authorities follow guidelines submitted by Democrats.  e.g. "Independent investigation" of Judge Kavanaugh by the FBI must interview witness supplied by Democrats on the Judiciary Committee.  (new)

  • Inevitable - Anything that progressives desire but don't already have. 

  • Inflammatory - Any true statement by conservatives that progressives don't wish to hear. 

  • Intolerance - Disagreeing with anything progressives believe.

  • "Intellectual laziness" - What conservatives are accused of when progressives don't want to bother to address what a conservative said.

  • Investment - Wasteful spending of taxpayer dollars.

  • Islam - A religion of peace, tolerance and brotherhood.

  • Islamophobe - 1. Someone who listens to Muslims' own words and has a reaction any civilized person would (from ToddF).

  • Jesus - Someone who is completely irrelevant to any and all political matters unless you’re claiming He would definitely support gay marriage or abortion.

  • "Lean forward" - Forgive the vernacular, but prepare to be screwed.

  • Liberalism - (an honest definition) The conceit of intellect untempered by humility.  (from bigbill10)  

  • Lies - Accurate and factual words when spoken by conservatives.  Progressives do not tell lies but rather "Facts" (see above) and "Truth" (see below).  (from Стойкий мужик) 

  • Literally - How progressives describe something they really, really, really, really, REALLY want you to accept.  Rarely do they literally mean literally. (from Deplorable Jessy-Messy Hammer)

  • Love - 1. being hateful to everyone you don't like.  2. being hateful to everyone you disagree with. (h.t. "clarify"). 

  • "Love and tolerance" - Accepting and applauding virtually any lifestyle while attacking anyone who disagrees as a bigot and hater.  See also "tolerance."

  • “Love Trumps Hate” – Screaming obscenities, smashing windows and assaulting people to show that you’re loving and they’re hateful.

  • Mandate - What progressives have every time they win an election.  Note: win or lose, conservatives can never have a mandate. 

  • “March for Life” – An annual event not worth paying attention to since it is the same-o, same-o, year after year.

  • "March of history" - History's inexorable march towards progressivism, even as it involves a march away from human progress.  

  • “Marriage equality” – Justification for redefining marriage to mean what it has never previously meant in all of history.

  • Maverick - A Republican who breaks rank with the GOP to support the Democrats.  A Democrat who breaks rank with the Democrats is known as a traitor.  (new)

  • "Moral claim" - Any grievance by a "protected group" gives them a claim of moral superiority over everyone else. 

  • “Mostly peaceful” – Protests and riots by progressive demonstrators.

  • "Narrow decision" - Any Supreme Court decision that goes against the progressive position and is not unanimous.

  • News - Opinion progressives agree with, embedded in articles labeled "news."

  • Obstruct - What conservatives do when they stall on progressive nominations and otherwise try to prevent progressive legislation from passing.  When progressives do the same to conservatives, it is known as "standing up for your principles." 

  • Paradise - What socialism and communism always lead to, the very next time we try them. 

  • "Path forward" - The progressive's perceived route to power and influence. 

  • Patriotism - Criticizing America for faults real and imagined while extolling the virtues of socialist paradises such as Cuba and Venezuela.

  • "Poisoning of civil political discourse" - Publicly criticizing what progressive celebrities, politicians and academics say. 

  • Polarizing - Something Republicans always are and Democrats never are.  (new)

  • Politicize - What Republicans do to various executive departments (especially the DOJ) whenever they take power.  Note that progressives and Democrats never politicize anything. 

  • Progress - 1 - Implementing "new" socialist policies that have been tried and have failed over and over, but only because they weren't done quite right. 2 - Imposing on everyone current fads that are contrary to all reason, logic, human nature and history. 

  • "Progressive constitutional project" - Totally rewriting the Constitution along progressive lines without bothering with that old, out-of-date, bothersome amendment process. 

  • Proof - A requirement for any accusation made against progressives.  Not required for accusations made against conservatives. 

  • "Protected group" - Any collection of individuals that progressives so designate, whether on the basis of race, religion, gender or whatever.  Protected groups may not be criticized or disparaged in any manner and are held to a much lower set of standards than everyone else.

  • "Putting politics aside" - Synonym for "compromise."  The GOP doing exactly what the Democrats advocate. 

  • Racist - 1- Anyone who believes that people should be judged by the content of their character, rather than the color of their skin.  2- Anyone who disagrees with a progressive (from CalebBrewster).

  • Radical – A label to be attached to all conservative proposals.

  • "Radical Islam" - Shhh.  You don't want to upset members of the "religion of peace."

  • "Reality-based" - A totally meaningless buzzword used by progressives to describe themselves.

  • Reform - Whenever progressives promote change.  Not to be confused with "turning back the clock" which is when conservatives promote change.

  • “Reproductive rights” – Abortion and free contraceptives.

  • Respect - That which progressives demand but haven't earned and which progressives withhold from those who have earned it (military, clergy, etc.).

  • “Right Wing Smear Campaign” - Anything that makes progressives look bad.

  • Rights - Anything that progressives claim they are naturally entitled to, but only at a cost to others - either monetary or freedom limiting.  (from CalebBrewster) 

  • Scandal - When a politician gets caught doing something progressives don't like.

  • Science - A word to be repeated as often as possible when promoting the progressive political agenda.

  • "Speaking truth to power" - The standard progressive excuse for engaging in obscene and ad hominem attacks on conservatives. 

  • Standards - Something defined by progressives that conservatives are supposed to adhere to.  Only the "double" version of standards are required of progressives. 

  • Standing up for Your Principles" - What progressives do when they stall on conservative nominations and otherwise try to prevent conservative legislation from passing.  When conservatives do the same to progressives, it is known as "obstruction." 

  • "Stolen election" - An election won by a non-progressive.

  • Tolerance – Accepting anything, no matter how bizarre, while rejecting all traditional, biblical values.

  • Traitor - A Democrat who breaks rank with the Democrats to support the GOP.  A Republican who breaks rank with the GOP is known as a maverick.  (new)

  • Truth – 1 - A synonym for “Pravda;” that which validates the progressive agenda.  2 - Nothing but a social construct which can be manipulated at will in order to support the progressive agenda or attack the conservative agenda.

  • Tyranny - Any government that implements conservative policies.

  • Tyrant - A conservative leader that actually does what he says he is going to do.

  • Unconstitutional - Any policy or law that progressives disagree with.

  • "Undocumented Citizen" - Illegal alien.

  • Unexpected - Anything that conservatives predicted and progressives did not.

  • "Unintended Consequences" - The unexpected results of progressive policies.  See "unexpected."

  • "Uniting the country" - Making progressives happy.

  • Victim - Anyone who is feeling the consequences, real or imagined, of their own decisions, behaviors and actions.  Note that victimhood is limited to certain privileged groups and classes and cannot be bestowed on others.  Conservatives, being oppressors, cannot be victims. 

  • Violence - Actions primarily of the Left, but always the fault of the Right.

  • Violent – What demonstrations by conservatives and Tea Partiers are always on the verge of, but never manage to achieve.

  • “Voter Suppression” - Cutting into Democrat vote totals by taking any steps to prevent voter fraud.

  • "Voting Your Interests" - 1: Voting for the government to give you more of other people's money, 2: Voting for the government to punish people who disagree with you. 

  • “White privilege” – 1: Values and actions such as honesty and hard work that whites should be ashamed of exercising and non-whites should not be expected to exercise.  2: An excuse for progressives to rationalize why they are entitled to things they are not willing to work for.

  • "White Supremacist" - Donald Trump and anyone who supports him.

  • “Women’s health” – Synonym for abortion.

  • “Women’s rights” –Special privileges for women.

  • "Wrong side of history" - The side that anything that progressives do not favor, but which is succeeding, is on.

Meryl Streep bravely and courageously addressing an audience of fellow progressives, explaining how her first amendment rights are being trampled on because some people disagree with her and have the temerity to say so.

A mostly peaceful demonstration by progressives during the 2017 Trump inauguration.

A classic example of voter suppression.

Hard work (aka white privilege) in action.  Note that one does not need to be white to display symptoms of white privilege.

Members of the religion of peace objecting to the term "radical Islam."

Vandalism done by a lesbian couple on their own garage door because conservatives were too inconsiderate to do it for them.  Also known as a "hate crime."

A recent example of the "highest form of patriotism" at work.

A progressive "explanation," complete with bullet points, but leaving the reader with no more understanding than before.  The source has been removed in order to protect the guilty.  Perhaps the text behind this slide provides more useful information, but that is doubtful. 

The March of History, which always involves a lot of mindless automatons marching into socialist or communist paradise.

"Dignity, always dignity."

A Tea Party rally.  Progressives will note a great deal of anger and that the people are all on the verge of violence.

The Chairman of the California Democrat Party setting an excellent example of "civil political discourse" by leading the crowd in chanting "F*** Donald Trump" while holding up two middle fingers.

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