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Humor & Laughs

a time to weep and a time to laugh  Ecclesiastes 3:4a (NIV)

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(06/10/2022) - Click to enlarge

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(06/07/2022) - click to enlarge

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(05/05/2022) - click to enlarge

(02/03/2023)

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,"

 

The psychiatrist said, "Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

(02/02/2023)

An older lady passed away recently. She’d never been married, and she specifically asked that her casket service not have any male pallbearers.

 

Her contract with the funeral parlor stated: "They never took me out when I was alive, so they sure won't be taking me out when I'm dead."

((02/01/2023)

A store owner was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!”

 

To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading “LOWEST PRICES!”

 

He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, “MAIN ENTRANCE.”

(01/31/2023)

A man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."

 

He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

(01/30/2023)

A little 3-year-old girl was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping.

 

The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times.

 

When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it.

 

The mother said, “Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

(01/12/2023)

Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming through the red light.

 

His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light."

 

The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time."

 

So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms through another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What are you doing?"

 

The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time."

 

They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming through the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "Hey, you're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out."

 

The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you, don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time."

 

So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What is wrong with you? You go flying through three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?"

 

The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop, my brother might have been coming."

 

(01/04/2023)

Says one humorist: “Life is unfair. I lost my car keys at a ball game and never found them. I lost my sunglasses at the beach and never found them. I lost my socks in the washing machine and never found them. I lost three pounds on a diet — I found them and five more.”

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